I reflect on Phoebe in Wonderland and I think of two prominent aspects of the film. The first is of a child lost in her own world, a world not merely made up for her enjoyment but made up as a result of a need she felt in her life. The second is the life of two parents, shut out from their daughters world by the one thing that parents should strive to have above all else, love.
It's interesting that we see Phoebe's sister as the daughter with angst (self proclaimed even) because I believe it gives power to the way that Phoebe distances and differentiates herself. Not even Phoebe knows what is causing her to be so different and in many cases self-harmingly OCD. And when a child acts against his or his wishes, acts without self control and self knowledge, WHAT could be more terrifying for that child? I suspect that having parents who neither understand nor can adequately deal with the problem is the only thing which scares Phoebe more. Her superheroes, her parents, can't help her. Only through escaping into a world where she no longer has to be anything but curious, joyful, insightful of the most magnificently silly things (all that a child dreams to be and do) is she happy. In wonderland, Phoebe finds a place where she does not merely need to survive, she can finally thrive.
Now for those wonderfully loving parents of hers. What is the hardest thing to do when you're in a relationship? Admit to the areas of weakness in that relationship, accept that it is not perfect and that in some cases the two of you alone cannot fix the problems you face. Now multiply that by infinity, take that to the depth of forever, and you still will barely have a glimpse of what I'm talking about. Even I can't fathom the pain one would find at having to struggle with a child who's problems I not only cannot understand, but cannot fix or even sooth. The pain one feels in that situation can even become even more harmful to the child, as seen when Phoebe's father is unable to hold his tongue and asks her why she thinks they'd want another child when they can barely handle her. It's an outrageous moment that should fill most viewers with the righteous anger of the heavens. Only, then you think about it. Would YOU be able to hold your tongue if you were him. Most if not all of us would say we surely would. But the problem is that no one can be sure of that. We all like to think that we would love someone so perfectly that we could never loose our head and hurt our loved ones so badly. But think back to up above, the imperfect relationship we are so afraid to question because we are SO in love. Is that love that stops us from questioning and allows our minds to make excuses for the imperfections in each other. No, love accepts imperfections, love seeks to understand and in understanding loves the imperfections themselves. It is only once the parents are able to let go of their fear of Phoebe's differences that they are able to truly understand and truly love her.
It's not easy getting to know someone completely. People have baggage, secrets, mistake ridden pasts; we're all quite messy underneath whatever outward appearances we possess or create for ourselves. The best part though, is once you get past all the crap. It's like coming upon a wonderful forrest, one that you can't help but explore, as you go deeper however, you realize that it is covered in swamps and crawling with dangerous creatures. Many people return to the beginning and stay there, afraid of the dangers lurking in the depths of that forrest. Some people leave the forrest and never return. Still others, the great ones, press on. They can't always be sure, but somehow they have a gut feeling that will eventually be rewarded. That is because once you get past the dark, dangerous and dreary inner forrest you come upon a clearing. All people have a clearing to find. And in that clearing you find the most beauteous sights. The truest parts of a person, those parts which can no longer be hidden by any means. You press on to that clearing, you have truly loved. And if you've been to that clearing, you know, it is ALWAYS worth the journey.
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